One pink packet of crisps for sale; unwanted birthday present, acceptable condition (only one crisp missing). Replacement crisps are readily available. Only serious offers welcome. Call or email me, you know who I am.
Category Archives: Flash Fiction
Uncontrollable Scene
For a while, we were individuals, instrumental even, only for something to send us into an unforgettable crescendo; then our heat-beats fused and we flew, we actually flew over ourselves, circling, voyeurs looking down upon our uncontrollable laughter, not one of us wanting to land … ever again.
The Water’s Edge
As I walked down to the water’s edge I knelt and plunged my right hand in,
increasing the rivers density, I watched my hand dance until I thought the river may
run dry, that my hand may never return to me.
I was wrong, my hand soon returned and it hurt like hell.
Then the river dissipated, cruelly, as I was now struggling to comprehend
dying among the scorching sand-dunes.
Clockwork Waterfall
So we decided to drive up the waterfall, but the waterfall was redundant and
dry. While travelling vertically; the impossible was performed with ease, I
couldn’t help but wear a fixed smile until arriving at its crest.
Then a tarn with tranquil water, slick and so pure with
elaborately carved structures floating: some were peacefully rotating.
I noticed they were broken, perhaps abandoned before completion. It was at
that moment I had forgotten why we… but more now I, was there at all.
Somehow without trying, I walked forwards, sure-footed: leaving behind what
had vanished behind me.
Now everything was much closer, and silent, with timely rushes of air, pressed
intermittently at my cheek; forced gently by numerous random walls from
what were now replica houses made from wood.
Clocklike and clockwise, suddenly in the far distance I see faceless builders as
undisturbed artists that do not seem to care, and the placid water
nearby does not respond to the continuous stirring upon it. The half buildings
have reversed the effects of time, and suddenly I must go… where? I do not
know.
The Flawed (The Music’s Over)
The four of them sat waiting nervously: Average Man, 6th Sense Woman, The Vague, and Mr De’Ath.
Suddenly, over to their right, the one and only door swung inward; expelling pure white light bleaching them, equally. One by one, they stood and walked at half-speed into the overexposure; causing their bodies to be at first outlined, then dissolved and eaten hungrily by it.
As soon as they were no longer visible as the characters they resembled, the door behind them creaked in heavy, reverberating delay; closing ever-so-slowly. The room now settled into its own blank atmosphere once more, with only the sound of distant screams for its company.
Sweet Death from the Thoughts of Dying
What a day I’ve had, earlier, I dream’t I was falling. Now that I’ve woken up, I really am! I’m sitting in the driving seat of my car, seat-belt on and plummeting over a ridiculously high cliff. I must of left the handbrake off you see. You’ve gotta laugh really – I intend to. I’m playing it over and over in my silly little mind, and yet nothing stops me from leaving that really useful handbrake off. How clumsy of me, still, I’m going with a bang I suppose; even looks like I’m missing the tide that’s in. Not only am I gonna be smashed to bits bouncing off those rocks but burnt too; a true Hollywood explosion I can only imagine, just to be sure. Actually I’m quite lucky really cos I’ve always been terrified of the thought of drowning – and it’s funny, they say that it’s your life that flashes before y–
Psychedelic Leopard Spots
The fact that I have just seen a minuscule leopard; no bigger than my thumb; nonchalantly roaming between the taller blades of grass in my front garden was not as surprising as I would’ve first imagined.
Then I notice a tiny family of three; lying down not so far away from the minuscule leopard; the baby is twice the size of its assumed parents and the Leopard. Somehow I overlook this irregularity in scale and look away, determined to see what else that I can find that defeats logic. Inevitably, they all vanish before I look back on my search for absolute confirmation.
Feeling aggrieved, I sense that I’m being watched — but still I scan the garden; my mannerisms acquire some semblance of pretense loss, as all I see now is scattered autumnal leaves. Within a matter of moments I disregard the miniature marvels; I smile, subtly, as I come to the conclusion that I’m very temporarily insane.
I continue to walk to the gate and plan my route to work as usual.
Wanted Alien
2 Oct 1920
Wanted Alien for being Alien
(Also for identity theft, human brainwashing and forgetting to kindly return home.)
By The Agency of Living Interplanetary Extra-Terrestrial Nuisances (A.L.I.E.N)
Ayu, as the alien is currently known (from source) is being sought for unwilling identification of being a living entity not of this earth. The Alien is 7ft tall, of turquoise complexion, walks with a clown-footed impersonation and has 2 dark marbles for its eyes; if only to suggest a face (no other facial characteristics have been verified).
Warning! Our occasionally good people of Southend would be strongly advised not to panic. Please do not approach our vertically unchallenged rogue with its extraordinary appearance with hastened aggression. We at A.L.I.E.N cannot guarantee that Ayu is not a direct threat to you or to us but if provoked the wrath of his retribution may be unpleasant. If this is to be your act the likelihood of irreversible mental abrasion upon oneself is deemed to be of the highest proportion. As this situation stands, albeit bizarre and unwanted, Ayu has caused no obvious harm or damage to our violent world — as we know of.
Information has been amassed from our undercover agents and has confirmed our suspicion that Ayu is successfully masquerading as a postman, not only in our beloved Southend but previously in towns and cities in and around the UK. To this day its true business here upon Planet Earth is still unknown. You the reader can be a valued ally to our cause.
Ladies and gentlemen, another very important announcement, THIS IS NOT A HOAX! Anyone contacting us and treating it as such with pranks of a childish nature will be severely reprimanded. A Letter will be delivered by our personalised postal service with orders for your permanent vacation of your premises, on your kind acceptance of your ill-advised communication. This order can be triggered from Law 51 from the Blue Room Act and administered with force if necessary by our agents.
Final note, for your collection of most deserved rewards. The alien as previously described must be alive on our arrival in your confirmed location, all being correct and of its successful containment or last sighting. To everyone of Southend please be vigilant and most of all Good Luck! You’re gonna need it.
REWARDS
An unlimited supply of cash or the meaning of life.
I will always ask you how you are even though I will never know the answer.
Purely Cosmetic
As Beautiful Chloe gazed down into her open, little, black bag, the whole of her face slid off, into it, like hot saturated fat.
Faceless Chloe calmly zipped the bag closed and placed it on the bedside table, fumbled the cover off her bed and rolled under it, only then to wait impatiently for her sleep to arrive before morning.