Category Archives: poems




Of nonsense

And a teardrop

Of morose

Slow drowned

With canned


And nothing

 Comes close


Rising Fall

Losing my grip now,

and so gravity ensures

my future’s prescribed.

Gently tumbling;



like a fleck of fresh dust.

How structure and design

now discards me;

to unearth odd ceilings;

calmly engage my feet;

on hovering,




Laugh Now

No jokes please! Not without first approval.

Especially long ones, they will result in your removal.

Most likely it won’t be funny or slightly amusing,

And if I should smile, point a finger to myself, accusing.

At some shit-awful joke told reliably badly,

I’ll give you the punchline of your life… gladly.

Best Before Date


Loaf of bread, best before date 1-2-16

Banana, best before date 2-2-16

Skimmed milk, best before date 3-2-16

A bottle of wine…

Barn eggs, best before date 4-2-16

Whole Chicken, best before date 5-2-16

Sugar, best before date 6-2-16

Bottle of water, best before date 7-2-15!

Dates, best before date… correction

One bad joke, use by date…

This poem’s best by date…

Everything expired… rotting freely.


Field Ban For Rocking Horses



Only real horses with real legs allowed!

The signs, at the field, ordered, as the wind howled.


The rockers rocked slowly; utterly devastated.

Being fed a downright lie; their field was so highly rated.


In their fury they rocked hard and rammed the signs down.

The real horses while shitting; fled, galloping to town.


The field was now theirs and everything was great!

Until the towns-folk arrived with rusty saws and spiteful hate.


A long, calamitous battle commenced in which nobody won.

Then the contractors arrived…



Daphne Slowly Drying (In Her New Rain)

Daphne’s rain was immense and abnormal; weather so adverse that individual drops of water (the size of one of her own fists) exploded mercilessly upon contact with her petite frame; her shoulders sharp; set to be coat-hanging for a lifetime.

Then at a moment; when her dry humour was her only shelter, she decided she would stand, waiting, slowly drying in her new rain; showing loyalty even beyond her understanding.