Tag Archives: Humour

The Last Moon on the Left (excerpt)

wp-1469521698815.jpg

 

The bizarre kettle-shaped spaceship, suddenly turns off its powerful engine of raging bubbles. Now, both young boys listen intensly, to the slow, muted, thud of footsteps… from the creepy bottom step… to the agonisingly close and creaky top step of the stairs.

But it’s soon after those footsteps stop, after the deathly silence they create, when something that sounds as light as a balloon, and travelling in the unnatural breeze of the night; bumps innocently light, then mysteriously heavier (again and again) onto the exposed floorboards of the landing.

Luke (the younger ) suddenly remembers that in the most recent past, he had found ‘the landing’ very confusing, because nothing that he was aware of… until now, had ever landed there.

Advertisements

The Face in the Dirt (in the Festivals Field)

IMAG0551

 

The face in the dirt in the festivals field

Has always kept quiet, never been revealed

The face in the dirt prefers lying low.

Only appears where grass doesn’t show.

One eye is on the clouds, the other; passers-by.

Never communicates, doesn’t even try.

Drinks from beer spilt and other revolting fluid,

Gobbles dropped food out of view from a steward.

A peeping tom from experiments gone wrong,

The face; never has said cheerio, so long!

It may be under a tent, where someone’s sitting,

Under you’re porta-loo with the smells emitting.

Maybe it’s just enjoying the music, the atmosphere.

When you tell people, make that abundantly clear…

And have a nice time!

Some Telephone Conversation (She Said)

20160612_210706.jpg

 

 

So I said wouldn’t you have thought they would of known?

She said I know.

I said, well it’s just not good enough!

She said I know.

I know you know I said, but I’ve said I’ve said one too many times already!

She said she hadn’t noticed until I mentioned it.

But then, she said, thinking about it she said, I didn’t like to say but that she was glad that I had said so… in the end.

So that made us really laugh, and then we both said, ‘speak to you soonly’ at exactly the same time!

We just wet ourselves laughing!

I think we told just about everybody about it! Anyway, I had the dinner in the oven, and she said her son had just popped in to say hello, so we had to say goodbye…. yep, bye, oh ok, oh no! Really? Never-mind, yep, bye-bye then, yeah, ok…by then!

 

Catchphrase

“So you see, i think you’ve got the long end of a very short stick!” Said the man.

“You mean the wrong end of the stick!!” Replied the woman.

“Listen, you’re misunderstanding me!”

“Believe me, i’m not, but your phrase is all wrong and frankly, quite ridiculous!”

Little did he know that she was a veteran contestant and all time winner of the Catchphrase television show, and would’nt let this man off the hook easily (tragically, much later, the man felt the sharp end of one and finally had his chips!!)

Wait on Waiter

imag0816.jpg

 

He said, “Wait a minute!” I’m not waiting in that sitting room, I’ll be over there, sitting in the waiting room — I can take the weight off my feet!”

While sitting in the waiting room, the waiters were busy waiting to set the table; as so he didn’t have to wait (because that’s what waiters are supposed to do!).

Then, they could wait on him.

The weight on him was something else! The waiters had noticed that while they waited for him to choose where he wanted to sit!

Eventually, his table was ready, but only after waiting for everybody else to finish and leave where they were sitting; typical, because that’s only where he wanted to sit!

Eventually, after an excruciatingly long decision on what he wanted to eat, whatever he happened to choose was off the menu. Three unwanted, overcooked meals followed, and with every excruciating wait the waiters arrived decidedly — very much late.

Before the bill, everyone fell ill, and in the end, all that waiting killed them (quite literally) in just one sitting. Much, much later they were carried off the establishment; in bags… none the less, only for the ambulances that carried them away to breakdown — in impassable traffic… what rotten luck!