Tag Archives: Humour

Boy and Bird

creative writing, poems,

 

Once there was a boy who was the living dead

He lived his life with a bird on his head

There the bird stood, it blinked quickly and often

Watching and observing its eyes would not soften

 

Funny, they looked different but yet much the same

Sharp nose, small eyes, spindly legs, round bodied frame

The boy spoke little, as the bird did the squawking

When the bird said chirp the boy did the walking

 

Chirp, tweet, chirp, tweet, chirp, cheep-cheep

The bird was only quiet when the boy was asleep

Tweet, Tweet! Squawked the bird, early in the morning

The boy heard little when his mouth wide from yawning

 

The boy, barely awake, a real zombie he did make

Chirp! Effing! Chirp said the bird, it means in English, For effs sake!

“Ok, enough!” said the boy and got on with his day

The bird shut his beak and thought who…Effing…Ray!

 

 

 

Dream Job

creative writing, short stories,

 

Mountain Man Unlimited Vacancy Announcement

 Watcher of the Mountains Required

We are a small family run business; the company has most recently been prestigiously recognised in Landscape of the Mind magazine, currently in their Top 5 most unlikely charities of 2015.

We are looking for a suitable candidate who must have an acute eye for outstanding views that incorporate mountains. Basic knowledge of mountains, such as their magnitude, shade and profile is preferred but not essential as full personal training can be tailored to suit your requirements.

Basic salary is set at your preference but please be realistic, you don’t own the business yet and as a result we won’t take your application seriously. Special excursions are a premium and you as the successful candidate will be paid handsomely in lakes and waterfalls, these hold no monetary value. You will, of course, be expected to travel at your own free will, all expenses paid and in all embracing comfort to numerous destinations around the globe. Your evidence of breath-taking views, are, to be captured using various media.  Your skill in having photos or videos no more or longer than absolutely necessary is essential, as boring our clients will only result in your job placement being terminated.

Our clients are specifically adults and children who are sadly disadvantaged by their materialism or have simply never been out, so excellent communication skills must be applied. Job application date is on-going so there is no rush. We really want you the person who made this up, so please don’t waste your time with a CV and cover note as we won’t read them, but we will always reply a.s.a.p. in your interest.

Please contact yourself for details.

 

 

The Awful Away Strip

creative writing, poems

 

Maurice hurriedly yanked his belt free and down flunked his shorts and pants.

The women in the room were opened mouthed, they waved their hands and cried no…no…no!

One by one they pinched their blouse as a belated gesture of your shirt! Your shirt!

Maurice froze in panic. He now felt he was a little hasty in his response to the commands of the airport security.

His wife and kids were stunned. Their first holiday abroad and already it hadn’t been at all what it had cracked up to be.