Tag Archives: Humour

Wait on Waiter

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He said, “Wait a minute!” I’m not waiting in that sitting room, I’ll be over there, sitting in the waiting room — I can take the weight off my feet!”

While sitting in the waiting room, the waiters were busy waiting to set the table; as so he didn’t have to wait (because that’s what waiters are supposed to do!).

Then, they could wait on him.

The weight on him was something else! The waiters had noticed that while they waited for him to choose where he wanted to sit!

Eventually, his table was ready, but only after waiting for everybody else to finish and leave where they were sitting; typical, because that’s only where he wanted to sit!

Eventually, after an excruciatingly long decision on what he wanted to eat, whatever he happened to choose was off the menu. Three unwanted, overcooked meals followed, and with every excruciating wait the waiters arrived decidedly — very much late.

Before the bill, everyone fell ill, and in the end, all that waiting killed them (quite literally) in just one sitting. Much, much later they were carried off the establishment; in bags… none the less, only for the ambulances that carried them away to breakdown — in impassable traffic… what rotten luck!

 

Childish 80’s

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Dry felt-tip pens

Odd florescent socks

Tracing paper

The Muppets lunchbox

Sweetshops

Dull board games

Lots and lots of dice

Shortened holidays

Longer Sundays

Missing the bus again… twice!

Morning Telly

Pop! Go the ants

Nothing and everything

In soaking wet pants

World cup dramas

Bad wrestling fights

Unwelcome relatives

The endless summer nights

Bad haircuts

Cracked pavements

Thick scabby knees

Puddles

Beer sweets

Sherbet dib-dabs please!

Fake blood

Loading times

The gallop top 40

BUNDLE!

Less of your cheek

Naughty-naughty-naughty!

Too short in the trouser

Satchels

Gizmo top of pet names

Xmas, birthday, Xmas

Nonsense ball games

First love and embarrassment  

Marbles on the drains

Saturday + Sunday = two day week!

Diving paper planes

The register

Good… morning… Mrs… Teacher!

Worms and Daddy longlegs

Scare girls but won’t eat ya!

The dreaded Chinese burn

Now wait your ruddy turn!

 

I could go on…

 

I’m Not Bitter But…

While some of us are thinking about it, some are actually doing it, and those who are doing it are usually telling me all about it. By all accounts, there great at it too! And feeling greater about it, every… single… day!

Honestly, I’m over the moon for you, I truly am… warms my cockles… no end. But, In my thinking… and trust me I’ve had the time too (about what it is you’re great at doing), I have got to say, that I’ve decided I would be so much… much, better than you! Even if I wanted to do it, but I don’t even need to, (I’m actually laughing in my mind), I haven’t even thought to try it… unbelievable!

So, just in case you’re thinking about telling me all about it… again! Don’t bother because I won’t be listening from now on, I’ll just be… thinking about… me! Maybe not trying it, deciding not to do it… again!

Thanks for listening.

Finding Found

When it’s all too much or you just can’t stick it,

And your impulse is to refuse.

But what if this is a trick, can it be too late?

Now… how funny is this? Or so cruel,

How strange; repulsively-beautiful.

But right now you can’t explain; you can’t begin to try!

Because…

At least one of us is the same; you feel better now

Finding found… Goodbye!